Go Home, Burger. You're Drunk.

Go Home, Burger. You’re Drunk.

I guess you could call me a craft beer enthusiast… as in, I’m enthused about drinking delicious beers and lots of them. Not usually all in one setting, but occasionally I over-serve myself. Usually when this happens, I’m out at a bar. I can tell you exactly how it goes down. Around the time I start feeling tipsy is around the time I want to order a bunch of bar food. Then I drink another beer or two while I wait for the food to come. By the time the food gets to me, I’m at that dangerously beautiful level of drunk where eating is hard work. I am sitting there with this plate (or three) of deliciousness and chewing just seems too hard. I go home with doggy bags galore.

Which, really…. is perfect.

Because after a night of drinking and being too lazy to eat, I’m most definitely going to be hungover the next morning.

But instead of munching on cold, soggy appetizers… I combine my intense need for carbs and a bit of the hair of the dog. I used my super easy Victory Lager and 4-Cheese Pretzel recipe to make pretzel rolls. Then top those with the most delicious and horrible-for-you foods you could imagine.

Your typical burger? I think not. A beef and sausage burger patty with chunked mozzarella sticks worked in, topped with lager-cheddar sauce, caramelized onions, bacon, buffalo wing meat and jalapeno poppers on a fluffy, cheesy pretzel bun and held together by a tower of tots.

Hangover, be gone!

Mozzarella Stick Burger Meat

Beef. Pork. Fried Cheese. Sounds like a classic burger recipe to me!

Go Home, Burger. You’re Drunk.
makes 4 burgers

½ Victory Lager and 4-Cheese Pretzel Recipe (recipe here)*
¾ lb ground beef
4 hot italian sausage links, casings removed
8 leftover or frozen mozzarella sticks, not heated
8 leftover or frozen jalapeno poppers, heated
8 slices bacon, cooked and crispy
½ red onion, sliced
¼ cup butter, divided
4 full chicken wings (both sections)**
2 tbsp sriracha sauce**
lager-cheddar sauce (recipe below)
1 ⅓ cup tater tots, cooked and crispy
olive oil
salt and pepper
skewers for tot tower

*When you are making the pretzels, instead of twisting them like pretzels, roll them out like you would, and then tie them in a knot so they look like buns. Follow the recipe exactly the same otherwise.

**If you have leftover wings, skip the next paragraph.

In a large skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Place wings in hot oil. Salt and pepper the top of the wings liberally. Cook for 3 minutes. Flip. Cook another 3 minutes. Cover and lower heat. Cook another 5-10 minutes or until cooked through. Let cool. Remove the meat from the bones, shred and toss with 2 tbsp melted butter and sriracha sauce. Set aside.

In a small skillet, melt 2 tbsp butter. Toss in the sliced onions. Cook over low heat for 8-10 minutes. You want them to be browned with a sweet aroma. Set aside.

Slice mozzarella sticks into ½” coins. Using your hands, blend together beef and sausage. At the end, work in the mozzarella stick coins. Shape into four patties. Put a divot in the middle so they don’t bubble up when you cook them. Salt and pepper liberally.

Drunk Food Burger

Wrap your mouth around this bad boy.

In a heated skillet, place the patties seasoned-side down. Cook over medium heat for 5-7 minutes per side or until cooked through. (Make sure they are cooked through because you put pork sausage in these. If you want to replace the sausage with beef, feel free to cook them to a pinker finish.)

Start building your crazy-ass burgers. Slice your pretzel rolls. Top with a burger patty, a drizzle of lager-cheddar sauce, 2 slices of bacon, a tbsp of caramelized onions, a heap of buffalo wing meat and 2 jalapeno poppers. Stick a long wooden or metal skewer through the center. Top the skewer with as many tater tots as it can handle. Repeat for other three burgers.

Serve with a Victory Helles Lager (or three).

Lager-Cheddar Sauce
2 tbsp butter
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tbsp flour
6 oz Victory Helles Lager
2 cups FRESHLY shredded cheddar cheese

In a small skillet, melt butter. Saute garlic over low heat for a couple minutes until it’s fragrant. Whisk in flour until thick and bubbly. Slowly whisk in lager. Add in cheese in small handfuls until fully incorporated. Keep warm over low heat until ready to serve.

Fontina has an Ohio heart and Philly spunk. She loves giving you recipes for hearty food, pop-culture puns and a hell of a lot of craft beer. You can find her in the kitchen, at the bar, on Twitter or marathoning episodes of Shin Chan or Bob's Burgers online.

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