LoCutie of Borg

Happy Birthday, LoCutie of Borg

You may ask yourself why a 30-year-old woman would have any interest in a 75-year-old man. If not for money … if not for fame … if not for some weird betrothal … then why?

As a long-time fan of older men, I have plenty of reasons lined up.

With Gene Wilder, it’s his humor, his smile, his endearing and sweet mannerisms. He’s a comedic genius with a gift for storytelling that rivals the best. Just to be in his presence would be a life-changing thing for me.

With Hugh Hefner, it’s his politics, his activism, his history. A lot of people see him as a creepy old dude with a bunch of women on his arm. I see him as an important figure in the social progression of our country. I would sell my soul (I don’t actually think I have one of those) to be able to sit down with Hef for an afternoon and hear stories about the Civil Rights era and what he experienced during those times.

Patrick Stewart's Welsh Rarebit

Patrick Stewart’s new Number One is this damn sandwich.

With Patrick Stewart, it’s his swagger. Plain and simple. That man has got it goin’ on. He was sexy as hell in the 80s and 90s when he was Picarding it up and he’s sexy now. It’s how he looks, how he talks, how he carries himself. It’s definitely how talented he is and how hilarious he is. I don’t even know why I’m trying to sell him so hard, I don’t think there’s a human out there that doesn’t love this man.

Why am I going on and on and on about it? Well, because a couple of days ago (July 13th), PStew turned 75. Now, a couple years ago, to celebrate his birthday, I made a special Patrick Stewart theme recipe. This year, I decided to revisit the recipe. I made a few tweaks, I took new photos and most importantly, I got to eat it all over again.

Let me tell you what we’ve got here.

First, and if you have any interest in Sir Patrick Stewart, you probably already know this but dude’s damn catchphrase in Star Trek: TNG was “make it so”. So, I did. I made it so … da. An earl grey (cold) and lemon soda recipe called Make It Soda. Not only is it delicious, but you can make the syrup up, keep it in your fridge, and have soda all month. It’s super refreshing in the summer when you don’t want: tea, earl grey, hot.

Secondly, and this is lesser known, but I wish it wasn’t: Patrick Stewart guest starred on an episode of Extras. It. Was. Epic.

Extras is a British sitcom starring Ricky Gervais. He plays a professional movie extra. He walks into Patrick Stewart’s trailer and asks for advice. Stewart launches into this schpiel about writing your own material, creating your own experiences, yadda yadda. Then he describes a script he’s been writing where… well you’ll just have to watch the video, but basically… he’s seen everything.
Which is what inspired the I’ve Seen Everything Open-Face Sandwich (Welsh Rarebit).


You have no excuse. This man has given you so much of his 75 years. Go forth! Put on the Chain of Command episode Next Gen and count how many lights you see (or watch Shakespeare or X-Men or A Christmas Carol or his countless voice acting pieces, etc, etc) and stuff your face with cheesy toast and soda. Bask in the wonder that is Sir Patrick Stewart.

Editor’s Note: Below are the recipes as they appeared on HoboTrashcan.com.

Make It Soda
2 cup sugar
1 ½ cup water
½ cup lemon juice
zest from 2 lemons
4 Earl Grey teabags
lemon slices, for garnish (optional)

Over medium heat, dissolve the sugar in the water. Add the lemon juice, lemon zest and tea bags and bring to a boil. Lower the heat and simmer until reduced by about half. (This should take between 5-8 minutes.) Discard the teabags.

Refrigerate until ready to use.

When ready to use, put 3-4 tbsp int he bottom of a glass. Top with club soda. Stir lightly and garnish with a lemon slice.

Serve with the I’ve Seen Everything Open-Face Sandwich.

I’ve Seen Everything Open Face Sandwich
Welsh Rarebit with Roasted Chicken Breast
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
½ tbsp mustard powder
½ tsp cayenne pepper
½ tsp smoked paprika
¾ cup Great Lakes Edmund Fitzgerald Porter
2 tbsp Worcestershire sauce
8 oz English cheddar, freshly grated
12 oz rotisserie chicken breast meat, pulled and shredded
6 pieces lightly toasted rustic bread
chives (for garnish)

Preheat your oven to broil.

Melt butter in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Whisk in the flour until combined. Cook for 3-5 minutes. It will start to get bubbly. Add in mustard powder, cayenne and paprika. Then slowly whisk in the beer, followed by the Worcestershire sauce.

Continue to whisk until smooth.

Cook for several minutes until it starts to thicken a little. Add in the cheese, a fistful at a time.

Top the toast with some pulled chicken and then spoon the cheese sauce over the top. Place under the broiler for just a minute or two to get the toast bubbly and crispy.

Garnish with chives.

Serve with a glass of Make It Soda.

Engage your mouth-hole.

Fontina has an Ohio heart and Philly spunk. She loves giving you recipes for hearty food, pop-culture puns and a hell of a lot of craft beer. You can find her in the kitchen, at the bar, on Twitter or marathoning episodes of Shin Chan or Bob's Burgers online.

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